Att kliva ur sin 'comfort zone'

Alltså det här med att blogga regelbundet... verkar inte riktigt fungera för mig. Jag har de bästa av intentioner, lovar bättring och så vidare men så VIPS så har det gått flera månader sedan det sista inlägget...
Nåväl, det var inte det som var tänkt som dagens ämne. Nej, dagens ämne behandlar det här med att våga kliva ur sin Comfort Zone. Alltså att göra saker man gärna vill och kanske har velat göra bra länge men inte dristat sig att göra för att man känner sig obekväm med det.
Eller helt enkelt inte vågar, och det är ingen skam i det!

I mitt fall handlar det om att skriva i en genre som jag gärna läser (OBS!!! det ska vara väldigt välskrivet om jag ska läsa't!!!) men alltid inbillat mig att jag "aaaaldrig kommer att kunna behärska i skriven form", varför jag helt sonika låtit bli att ens försöka.
Dumt!
Mycket, mycket dumt men ack så mänskligt.
Men så vaknade jag en morgon med en idé i huvudet som bara vägrade att ge mig ro, den skulle helt enkelt ner på papper vare sig jag kände mig bekväm med det eller ej. Punkt! Basta!!!
Och på den vägen är det, jag som hittills bara hållit mig till genrer som thriller, skräck, satir och ju blodigare och våldsammare desto bättre skriver numera: Romantik!
Ja du läste rätt ;-)

Det är kanske inte den typiska Romance romanen, men den behandlar ändå kärlek, känslor, rädslor och en hel del annat som INTE är typiskt för mig att skriva om hahaha.

Hur som haver, den är skriven på engelska, under bearbetning och lååååångt ifrån färdig.
Så när du läser urdraget snälla håll i minnet att det är en ganska rå text som kommer att gå igenom både en och två redigeringsvändor till innan den kan anses färdig.
Den är också vääääldigt lång, ca 7 sidor i Word så att du inte får en chock ;-)

Håll till godo! :-D

Waking up earlier then usual, Wade stretched out and yawned tiredly. Noticing it was still pitch black outside he cast an eye on the alarm clock on the night table telling him it was only 04 am in the morning. Cursing to himself he cast aside the bed sheets and got up, knowing there was no chance in hell he would fall back to sleep. Had he been younger there would have been no problem where sleep was concerned, but seeing as he was in his fifties it became more of an issue every passing year.
  Putting on the robe that always lay across the chair next to the bed, he made his way down the wooden spiral staircase from his bedroom when halfway down something caught the corner of his right eye and he stopped dead. Looking out the huge window he saw that on the sand beach not far from his back porch someone had made a campfire and was fast asleep beside it.
‘Strange... That has got to be the first time I have campers around here’
For a brief moment he considered going out there and waking whomever it was up, after all it was in the middle of October and freezing outside. But then he decided not to bother, it was still in the middle of the night and obviously whomever camped by Swan Lake this time of year had to be prepared for the cold.
But still, it was strange and it sparked his curiosity.

Continuing down the stairs he walked over to the kitchen island, turned on the gas stove and made his first cup of coffee. Sitting down on one of the barstools surrounding the island, he made sure to position himself so that he had the camper within eyesight, just in case. He opened the laptop and went online to read the newspaper. As usual it was filled with news concerning war, crime, floodings, humanitarian disasters and other depressing articles, so he closed the window and decided to check his emails instead.
  After all, he was running a business and usually had more enquiries then he could handle in a day’s work. Going through the mails he noticed that there were more job applications than usual and even though he really needed help around the farm he was reluctant to hire a stranger. Being somewhat of a recluse he wanted to meet the person in question before giving any promises, but as most of the applicants lived in states very far from Montana there was no chance he would agree to them flying here only to turn them down. If he was to hire anyone that person had to be someone special, someone who didn't mind living miles from the nearest town, who didn't mind the isolation and most of all someone who could muster being in a saddle all day long and sometimes sleeping under the stars no matter the weather. And frankly, most of the applicants were young women in their 20's, fresh out of school and who’s riding experiences contained a few hours a day at some classy riding school. They wouldn't last a week in these conditions...

The lone camper on his beach didn't seem to leave his mind at ease; he was becoming more and more curious as to find out who it was. He never had any strangers just drop by, even though there were plenty of hikers in the mountains and the area around Swan Lake Valley.   Wade had chosen this location for a purpose, namely the fact that the probability of any one uninvited coming to this remote location was next to zero. Of course the breathtaking view and the lakefront location had helped the decision along.   He had always been somewhat of a lone wolf, but after his wife passed away 20 years ago he'd preferred a life of solitude even more. Not that he didn't have friends, he had plenty in fact, but he preferred to live far enough away from them for any random visits on their part. The exception was his best friend Mike who lived only half an hour away from his farm and whom he had practically raised.

Noticing that his 'guest' on the beach had awaken he decided to still his curiosity and find out who it was. Stepping outside and walking closer he noticed that the person by the fire was a woman and not a man as he had first assumed. And a rather small one at that, which fueled his curiosity even more. She was staring out over the lake seemingly in deep thought as she didn't notice him approaching, so he walked up to her stopping only a few feet to her left.

"Beautiful ain't it?"

The deep set voice coming out of nowhere made Nikkie jump in surprise and turning her head she met his gaze straight on with a fierce, steely expression in her ice blue eyes. Her hand was on the gun under the blanket ready to be fired if necessary. Wade nearly took a step back at the sight of the cold, calculating expression in the orbs piercing his. The gaze didn't match the beauty of her eyes, or her size for that matter.

‘Whoa... What's with the lethal expression? Seems I need to be careful with this one’ he thought to himself while cautiously firing of his most disarming smile.

"My pardon miss, I didn't mean to startle ya"

‘Miss? Never been called that before...’ Nikkies harsh features began to soften as she relaxed a little, this man didn't strike her as a threat even though he had just managed to sneak up on her unnoticed. But that was her fault not his, she had to be more exhausted then she'd realized. Weighing him under her sharp gaze a few more seconds she finally answered without taking her eyes of him.

"Sure you didn't"
Even though her voice was still a bit stern there was no mistake in the sarcastic undertone.

"May I join ya?"

"By all means... It is your beach I'm trespassing on after all"

Wades smile broadened at the statement."Never heard of anyone ever trespassing on a beach before, but yeah it's mine" came the amused answer before he settled down beside her. Her eyes were still fixated on him, following his every move with caution.

"Sorry... I meant to be long gone before anyone woke up. Guess I overslept"
That was a lie on her part, she had meant to ask for a job before leaving, but as their eyes had met just a few seconds ago something inside her had made her loose her nerve. The older man had the warmest and most genuine eyes she had ever seen. They radiated with generosity and intelligence, and they had completely caught her of guard, melting something inside her. Making her uneasy yet relaxed.

"Well miss, in that case you would have had to leave before 4 am. 'cause that's when I spotted your campfire" he stated before stretching out his hand to her "I'm Wade Garrett"

Looking at his hand for a split second, almost as if to calculate if there was any hidden agenda behind the gesture, she looked back into his eyes, smiled a light smile then took his hand in a strong, firm grip.

"I'm Nikkie"

"Pleasure to meet ya"

"Likewise"

Looking at each other for a while, trying to figure the other one out Wade finally broke the silence.

"So tell me, ain't it a bit cold to be sleeping on a lake shore in the mids of October?"

"Freezin, but one does what needs to be done"
Seeing the significant look in his eyes she continued,

"I arrived in the middle of the night and it was pitch black inside your house, I assumed everyone was asleep. And like I said, I meant to be gone by first light" 

"Well, seeing as you're not can I interest you in some breakfast?"
He stood up, "I was about to fix myself some anyhow... and I promise, I don't bite"

"How can you be sure that I don't?"
Her expression was dead serious, but there was a twinkle in her eyes that couldn't be missed.

"Guess I'll just have to take my chances, won't I?"
Smiling a calming smile he offered his hand to her. A bit reluctantly she took his hand and allowed him to pull her up. Her hand was ice-cold and her lips carried a hint of blue, he also noticed that she was quite malnourished.
  Well indoors he walked over to the kitchen while stating "make yourself at home".
Carefully walking after him while looking around the astonishing log house, she tried her damndest not to look too obviously amazed before sitting down at the kitchen island. The bacon and eggs were already frying, leaving a scent in the air that made her mouth water and her stomach growl from hunger.
"How do you take your coffee?"

"With a hint of milk"

Handing her the mug he noticed that her hands were still ice-cold so he reached for the plaid on the chair next to her placing it over her shoulders.

"Thank you" came the almost inaudible answer to which his only response was a warm smile.

"You have a beautiful home" she managed to say after finding her voice again.

"Thanks, it took me nearly three years to build"

Utterly surprised by his statement Nikkie continued,

"You built it yourself?"

"Well almost entirely by myself anyway, some parts I needed constructers for, but other than that, yep"
He plated the eggs and bacon and handed it to her, took the mugs and turned to fill them up with fresh coffee and added some milk to hers again.
  By the time he was done and turned back to seat himself she had almost wiped her plate clean, and he stopped dead for a moment. Nikkie noticed the change in the air and looked up only to blush when seeing the astound look on his face.

"When was the last time you ate?"

"Yesterday?"
Her voice was full of doubt at the obvious lie. How come she couldn't keep her guard up in the presence of this man, she was a trained liar for pity’s sake!

"Uhu"
He raised an eyebrow and everything about him foretold that he was calling her bluff. Looking down in embarrassment and then up again she caved.

"Four days ago..."

"Yeah, that sounds more believable"
He took her empty plate and replaced it with his own.Caught completely by surprise by the gesture she stared at him stumbling over her words.

"No wait... I can't! What about you?"

‘Wow... This gal really ain't used to someone being decent to her’ "Listen... there's plenty more where that came from in the pan. Eat! You need it more than I do"

The expression on her face shifted into something he couldn't quit put his finger on, it was almost as if she expected him to change his mind and let her starve. When he didn't move she finally relaxed a little and a tiny smile appeared on her lips.

"Thank you" she whispered before lowering her gaze and digging in again.

Wade was puzzled, the young woman sitting in front of him was becoming more and more of an enigma. Normally he read people like an open book, but her he couldn't figure out no matter how hard he tried. She had this impenetrable aura surrounding her, preventing the world from seeing her true nature. Why?
  Yet at the same time there were moments of vulnerability leaking out from her ice blue orbs and he couldn't decide if it was an undeliberate action on her part, or if she simply allowed him to notice. She didn't strike him as the undeliberate type, especially not after the ruthless stare she'd fired of at him the same morning on the beach. A gaze that had reminded him of a predator staring at its pray right before tearing it to pieces...

Nikkie felt his eyes on her and knew that he was probably trying to read her, she also knew that he wouldn't succeed at it. She knew how to hide, it had been among the first lessons she'd been thought so many years ago. A lesson that had kept her alive... then became a habit hindering her from letting anyone close to her.
  What surprised her though was the fact that for the first time in over fifteen years she didn't mind. For some strange reason she felt almost comfortable in the presence of this man, and she was all but accustomed to feeling comfortable in anyone’s presence. Let alone a mans... Cain had managed to ruin all semblance of trust where men were concerned the first few weeks she'd been under his control.
  Yet the very first sight of Wade had completely taken her aback, and even though he had scared the living daylights out of her and therefore triggered her instinct to shoot first and ask questions later like she was trained, the instant their eyes had met her defenses had vanished like they'd never even been there in the first place. There was something about his eyes and the calm energy that surrounded him that made her feel unthreatened. Not to mention the fact that for the first time in years it had mattered to her that he was the most charming man she had ever set eyes on. This fact frightened her but also gave her hope where she was concerned.
  That little, tiny part of her true self that she had done everything to preserve, that had kept her sane all these years, had began to blossom. She smiled a tiny but perceptive smile and moved only her eyes to lock onto his and the gaze in them told him that she knew exactly what he was up to. It also told him that she didn't seem to mind, she knew perfectly well that he wouldn't be able to read her no matter how hard he tried.
'Sorry, but I will only let you see what I want you to see mister... no more, no less. The question is why I want you to see anything at all?'

Feeling like he was the one being read instead of the other way around, Wade finally lowered his gaze.

"Would you mind if I use your shower? I haven't seen one for days"

"Not at all"
He stood and led the way up the wooden staircase and through his bedroom, which turned out to be all of the upstairs area, and opened the door to the bathroom.

"You'll find towels in here"
He opened a beautifully carved wooden cabinet and the towels were all nicely folded and sorted by size.

"Thank you, I'll be quick and then I'll be out of your hair"

"Take your time miss, I ain't got anywhere else to be"

'Miss again... is this dude for real?'
However before she had the chance to respond he was already on his way down the stairs.
Closing the door she peaked around the hugh bathroom that held a shower, a bathtub and a sauna. Everything was spotless, no dust, no dirt and no mess anywhere. The first thought that struck her was that he had a wife that kept the house clean, but then there was no visual evidence of a woman’s presence anywhere. A maid perhaps then? But she highly doubted that, he didn't seem like someone who'd hire help to do anything around the farm. Let alone clean the house for him. The older man kept surprising her, it was a shame she had to move on. She could really see herself living here.
As soon as the thought surfaced she banned herself harshly. 'Get real Nikkie! Thoughts like that is pure poison and you know it. This could never be my home... not in this lifetime anyway. And even if I wanted to stay, I haven't been invited now have I!'
She pushed the thoughts away and stepped into the shower where the hot beams worked wonders on her stiff muscles. Sleeping on the ground and riding a chopper all day really left its marks.

Downstairs Wade finished his breakfast and washed it all down with the last of the coffee. 'I'll be quick and then I'll be out of your hair' Why would she think she was imposing when he was the one that had invited her in? But then again, he had already noticed that she was probably used to a lot of things, however kindness wasn't one of them.

'I'll be out of your hair... Well Miss, I'm not so sure I want you to leave just yet if I can help it. And I believe I can'

It hadn't been too difficult to figure out that Nikkie was broke, if someone hadn't eaten for days it usually meant that they were out of money. Besides, one look at her was enough to notice that she had been starving herself for quite some time. The question bogging him was why. The dialect she held told him she was originally from the Texas area, so if that's where she was fleeing from then she had traveled a long way. And something told him she was still far from her final destination. She didn't strike him as the hitchhiking type so it was obvious she had driven and spent her money on gas before food and accommodations. Then again, if she had a car then why did she sleep outdoors? 
  Nothing about her made any sense to him, he was positive she was on the run but from what or whom? He wondered what her story was since it was clear that she kept to herself and even more obvious that she trusted no one. She had that renegade look to her, stressed and worn out to the very core of her. And yet she had a mental sharpness to her that he found fascinating, he was sure she noticed and read everything around her in a matter of seconds. So how come he had been able to catch her by surprise then, unless she was in even worse shape than she looked.

His thoughts were interrupted by Nikkie coming down the stairs and there was something off about the way she carried herself. Then it dawned on him, if he hadn't seen her coming he wouldn't have noticed her at all. She had successfully avoided every step on the wooden staircase that had a crack to it, without avoiding the step itself. Why?
  He hadn't noticed before but she moved as smoothly and soundlessly as a cat, and that was very much a learned behavior. As was the quick risk calculations she made before every decision.
She walked up to him stretching out her right hand, the look on her face was serious but thankful.

"Thank you for everything, I'll be on my way now"

His gaze met hers, searching for some sort of sign that she wouldn't mind staying and found it in her stormy eyes.
'You do your damnedest to hide your intentions don't ya, so why do you allow me to read them all of the sudden?' Smiling he took her hand and she felt a light shiver go up her spine at his touch.
'God damn it Nikkie, not now, not ever! Get out of here, get out of here NOW!'
Yet she couldn't bring herself to let go of his hand which he noticed as there was a sparkle to his eyes that hadn't been there a second ago.

"My pleasure Miss"His eyes radiated with genuine warmth and something she couldn't put her finger on.

'Seems I'm not the only one capable of hiding my thoughts'
This man captivated her and that was frightening, there was no way she could stay here no matter how badly she wanted to. Reluctantly letting go of his hand she headed for the door with a deep feeling of loss she couldn't explain. Just as she reached for the handle his deep set voice traveled across the room.

"You wouldn't happen to be needing a job, would ya?"

Stopping dead in the motion she slowly turned her head just slightly enough to notice that he was still sitting with his back to her. All sorts of feelings rushed through her, surprise, gratitude, joy and immense fear all cooked up in the hurricane his words had stirred up inside her. She lost her footing for a few seconds, not sure what to do or say next. Her inner alarm went off beckoning her to keep moving out the door, to keep moving on when she was so close to her final destination. However she was worn out, broke and starving. What harm could it possibly do? Besides, she really needed the money before her bike ran out of fuel.
'Turn it down Nikkie, if you stay here it will be all the more difficult to leave when you no longer have the choice. There will be other farms along the way.'

"What's the job?"

Wade smiled at the badly hidden relief in her stern voice. Still with his back to her he tried to sound as neutral as his amused state of mind could muster.

"Can you ride?"

"Yeah" came the cautious answer.

"Ever broken in a horse?"

"A few times"

Folding and putting down the paper he had been pretending to read he turned and looked at her with a cagey expression on his face. She tried to look tranquil but the energy surrounding her told him she was in one hell of an emotional chaos. 'What are you so afraid of lady?'

"In that case I have something to show ya"
Standing up he made his way towards the back door leading to the porch behind the house. Holding up the door for her they stepped outside and he led her on across the yard toward a large barn. The view surrounding the farm took her breath away. There was the hugh lake surrounded by miles of forest stretching all the way to the snow peaked mountains in the far back. She hadn't seen any of this in the pitch black darkness of the night when she had made camp on the beach. And this morning she had been too tired to take it in. Wade noticed her reaction and smiled to himself. 'So you appreciate the beauty of nature? I like that.'